Decisions

This last trip I made to Death Valley National Park was a trip that I will remember and cherish for many different reasons. And, to learn from it as well. Making the 1100 mile trip in the Denali and Airstream by myself was a bit of a challenge in January. First time taking it out in the winter, so could not put water in it until I was all set up. But, even having it snow in Flagstaff during my overnight stay, was not an issue. Leading up to the departure time, I was second guessing my wisdom of choosing to drive instead of flying. I pretty much hate airports and the whole flying experience. I love camping and being able to take what I want with me. My own food, my own bed, my own home. It just takes much more work to accomplish and many more things to remember to do so as not to damage anything, including myself or anyone else. But in the end, I become a much happier person, so that decision turned out to be a great one. The trip brought back a feeling of self confidence that has been missing the last couple years. Being self sufficient and being successful at it makes all the difference for me. It’s a trait I do not want to lose.

Another decision I had to make was what camera gear to use during the trip. It turns out, that using my Hasselblad digital and film cameras was a great choice. My way of being creative and the ergonomics of that gear match up very well. I however did not find the same joy in using my Leica SL2 gear. I certainly have a strong Love/Hate relationship with the Leica gear. For me, on this trip, it did not allow for a seamless, transparent feeling while using it like I get when using my Hasselblad gear. And for me, after doing photography since 2009, I have learned that using gear that becomes invisible in the field is a very high requirement.

More decisions included ones that concern the artistic world. Choosing compositions that relay what I feel at the moment, or relay the characteristics of the scene, can take time and are sometimes very difficult. Other times, my intuition takes charge and my thinking brain takes a break. Even though those are decisions being made, I don’t feel any pressure making them. It’s quite a different feeling, one that all artists know well. The decision to let go, and become a follower instead of being the leader. This decision is always a difficult one for me. It’s not comfortable giving up my perceived control to an unknown direction. I would think this uncomfortable feeling is normal for most of us and we just need to have faith in our own abilities to see it through.

My biggest mistake, both creative and financial, was to get caught up in the gear buying trip. It’s now been about two years since I have really learned that I do not need to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on gear. I don’t feel a real hard regret, but I do feel like I wasted so much time that could have been spent learning more about the visual arts. Learning about the language of visual art. But now that I am on the path I know is right for me, I feel I like I am finally making the progress I wanted in the beginning of my photography journey. Gear certainly makes a difference with how you interact with it. Does it help my creative juices? Or does it inhibit the creative act? And quality of image does make a difference for me. Other than that, I have been successful at minimizing my gear demons. Creating the image that conveys my feelings, or message is now the most important thing. What a great feeling to have.